Faux-Newz
Now...
More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
C1
Protesters Gather For Pro-Smoking/Anti Truth Rally

WINSTON-SALEM, NC - 2.7 million smokers attended a Pro-Smoking/Anti Truth Commercial rally last night in the parking lot of the world’s 2nd largest tobacco company, RJ Reynolds.

The crowds started to gather around 3:30 am and rallied well into the early morning about their thoughts on being for smoking and against the graphic & annoying string of "The Truth” commercials.

Phillip Morrisey, apparent head of the rally said, "We didn't really plan this rally tonight at all. I was at the bar last night and a "Truth” commercial came on. I commented to one of the toothless barmaid sucking down a Chesterfield non-filter that we should protest against those commercials and show our support on smoking. Some guys behind me agreed and I guess it kind of went on from there."

Morrisey stayed at the Rusted Nut Bar & Grill until 2am and when he got out to the parking lot there were hundreds of people who were there to support his idea.

"I thought to myself when I got outside and saw all those people... ‘Oh shit, either I drank too much again and I'm seeing more than double this time, or there are some people who really want to kick my ass.’" said Morrisey.
"People started clappin’, hootin,’ and hollerin’ about my idea and we all marched on to RJ Reynolds,” exclaimed Morrisey. "It was like being in the 60's again, man. People had a cause and they were ready to show their support."

Protest
Pro Smoking/Anti Truth
drunks gather after closing time

As the protesters walked the few miles to the RJ Reynolds parking lot, they came across more and more patrons leaving the bars who joined them on their way.

The rally continued until about 6:37am, when all the protesters fell asleep, which coincidentally was about the time everyone ran out of alcohol.

RJ Reynolds employees started to arrive at work at 7am to find their parking lot filled with the sleeping protesters.

"Basically, it looks like a war scene", said Tom Talip, a RJ Reynolds cafereria attendant. "There were stinking bodies laying all over the place. You could hear people fighting to breathe and massive amounts of coughing."

Winston-Salem Police showed up shortly after 7:15am to wake and disperse the crowd. There were no reported incidents. However, one protester was charged with possession of marijuana.

"These fucking cops, man. I can't believe they arrested me. I guess it's my fault for thinking this was a weed smoking rally. I mean, hey man, I support that!". Dexter Bramson was quoted as saying while being placed in a police cruiser.

Morrisey then said, "It's kinda sad, we had all these people here to support a common cause and since we couldn't stay up, basically it's like it never happened. I'm pissed, though. I thought I would at least get some free smokes out of this whole deal. Apparently, poor planning & alcohol ain't the way to do something around these parts."

"Wait. What am I saying is that's how everything is done around here. REBEL YELL BABY!" Morrisey concluded.

RJ Reynolds announced they will release a statement later today.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Tha Mike


© 2004 faux-newz.com - Fabricated News For The Less Than Holy!
Terms of Service: All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners.
Text comments posted on Tha Mike may not be reposted or broadcasted without mentioning faux-newz.com as the source.
C2
   
C4 C3