As
I was returning from a flight from the
west coast, I suddenly felt that agonizing
pressure in my lower torso that we have
all felt and feared. You know the feeling.
I had to drop a load big time. I had
to go grow a tail. Add the fact that
earlier in the day, I ate a 2 bowls
of Fruit& Fiber and drank a few
cups of coffee for breakfast. I might
as well have just ate Super Colon Blow
that morning.
As the flight continued, I felt more
and more pressure building up. I started
fidgeting around in my chair and my
lady, “Smiley” said, “What’s
the matter baby?”
I looked at her with an uncomfortable
smile and said, “Nothing at all.
I’m fine.” She wouldn’t
let it go, though. She kept on me. Now,
at this time, most of the people on
the plane were either reading or sleeping.
It was very quiet.
Again she asked, and again I said to
her, “Nothing.” The
fact that she kept pestering me about
this was breaking my concentration on
holding in my next arrival/departure,
and I almost soiled myself.
Thankfully, I just let out one small
fart which relieved some of the pain,
for the time being. My lady said to
me, “Oh, do you have gas? I think
I have some GasX in my purse.”
As she went to look, I told her I didn’t
have gas, but that I had to go worse
than ever in my life. She looked at
me and laughed and said, “Why
don't you just go to the bathroom and
go?”
I said, “I can’t.”
She said, “Why not? You just said
you had to go.”
I said, “I do, I just can’t.”
She said, “Are you constipated?”
With the pain and discomfort I was feeling,
I couldn't take her any longer.
I screamed, “I CAN'T SHIT IN PUBLIC!
OK?!?”
Needless to say, everyone on the plane
had heard this and was now staring at
me. I was never so embarrassed in my
entire life. I decided at that moment,
the only thing I could do to escape
their prying
eyes was to go to the plane lavatory.
While I was in there I just decided,
“What the hell?” I
pulled down my pants and let loose one
doozy of a fecal offering to the plastic
savior which was the toilet.
I felt so much better, I didn't care
about any embarrassment or what anyone
thought, I wiped, zipped up, smiled
in the mirror and walked back to my
seat. As I did, I noticed that people
were back to their own business.
I sat down, kissed the cheek of my disgusted
& embarrassed lover and let out
a sigh of relief. I looked over at her
and said, sometimes a good poop is all
you need to make your day go better.
Needless to say, she didn't talk to
me the rest of the trip.
However I thought back to my trip from
the bathroom to my seat, and I could
swear I heard someone clap softly for
my achievement.
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Trogdor
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