Faux-Newz
Now...
More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
C1
Man Pops, Can’t Stop

TULSA, OK - After “popping” at roughly 3:28 PM last Tuesday, Jeremy Kinets still finds himself unable to stop. Witnesses say Kinets had just walked out of Sam’s Club with a case of Pringles‘ chips amongst his other groceries. He apparently decided to pop one tube of chips for something to snack on while loading his car.

“It was the durndest thing,” says Hugh Javitz, witness and certified bra inspector [according to his shirt]. “He popped that thing, and all ‘a sudden this strange music began playin’ outta nowhere. He got this smile like the cat that ate aunt Gert’s canary and started dancin’ around and eatin’ those things by stacks as tall as he could open ‘is mouf wide enough fer".

Apparently, Kinets managed to infect five other people before authorities could intervene and keep back the crowd. Together, the half dozen “popping” victims have been dancing around the entire parking lot, banging empty cans off of any object they come across, eating chips and just generally behaving like freaks.

Pringles
Kinets, in hour 36 after "popping"

When asked what police intend to do about the situation, Chief Watts told our reporters they intended to wait until the victims dropped of exhaustion. “However, if things get out of hand before that, we have snipers placed around the lot with orders to kill if they get too unwieldy with those cans.” He added, “I guess the commercials were right, you really can’t stop.”

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Nerraux


© 2004 faux-newz.com - Fabricated News For The Less Than Holy!
Terms of Service: All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners.
Text comments posted on Tha Mike may not be reposted or broadcasted without mentioning faux-newz.com as the source.
C2
   
C4 C3