“It
was just horrible,” said audience
member Mat Weeler. “All I saw
was hundreds of sequins and pieces of
a feather boa exploding into the air
around Roy as the tiger attacked him.
I wanted to run on stage and help him,
but that animal looked pissed and I
didn’t want to get my nuts bitten.
The tiger could have hurt me too.”
The animal’s stranglehold on Horn
was broken, when a group of technicians
rushed the stage with fire extinguishers,
dousing the flaming Roy and angry pussy.
The tiger, a seven-year-old male named
Montecore, is currently being held in
quarantine at the hotel. Although many
people are praying for the best outcome
to this horrible tragedy, there has
been vocalized outrage concerning the
incident.
A spokesperson for PETA announced in
a statement to the press that the incident
“was an example of nature’s
justice.” The ignorant hippy went
on to say that, “Horn got exactly
what he deserved. The ignoble treatment
of any animal as endangered as the tiger
is an outrage to PETA, and we believe
that Siegfried and Roy are the world’s
ringleaders of tiger degradation. Furthermore,
we feel that Montecore should be given
a medal for his heroic action against
oppression.”
Siegfried and Roy’s longtime manager,
Bernie Yungmen, expressed anger over
PETA’s stance on the attack. “I
don’t know how those tree hugging
whale fuckers can be so callous after
this tragedy. Those fucking tigers live
in a goddamn mansion, and do whatever
they please. Would you rather chase
ibex around the Serengeti, or live with
a pair of old fruits in their humongous
pad? I mean…come on.”
In a strange case of one-upmanship,
the Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders
(GLAD), announced that they plan to
sue the white tiger involved in the
attack for perpetrating a hate crime.
The director of GLAD, Gary Balsak, told
the press “the animal in question
is clearly guilty of a vicious attack,
motivated by hatred. We believe that
the animal may have been involved in
a Neo-Nazi, or Skinhead group. In any
case it’s definitely a fascist.”
Montecore was unavailable for comment,
although he was seen playing black jack
in the high rollers section of the casino
less than 2 hours after the attack.
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
GhostElf |