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By thamike.com
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New “Weed” Growing on Yale University’s Hallowed Walls Is Not Ivy!

Officials from the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) raided a residence hall on Yale University’s, New Haven campus earlier today. Acting on a tip from an anonymous informant. The informant who would only identify himself as the “Big G W” provided DEA officials with the information that led to the pre-dawn raid. A DEA official who declined to be named, verified that the informant provided them with the location of the dormitory in question and suggested that some students in the Biology department had figured out a way to grow plants from the genus Cannabis Stoneayalie by grafting the plant into the ivy that has traditionally adorned the walls of buildings on this historical campus.

Weed
The Strangely Familiar Looking Ivy

The informant claimed that one of his daughters is a student at Yale and on a recent trip home he overheard her talking about “the agricultural experiment.”  The informant said he became suspicious with his daughter showing interest in academics. “I have always known Je--a (to protect the student's identity Faux-News has omitted two letters of the student’s first name)to be a bright student, but this is ridiculous.”

Among items seized in the raid were baking pans inscribed with the words Alice B. Toklas. Officials also found what they referred to as Burrowed Out Natural Grain Softwoods, and about 17 cases of what was described as a cheese flavored snack, although they would not comment on how they felt the puffed cheese snacks were connected to the investigation.

Faux-News reporters looked to students for their reactions to the DEA operation. Yale senior Terry Oker said that students rarely give a second thought to the ivy that adorns the exterior walls of university buildings.
“ I don’t know what the fuss is about, we never thought twice about the stuff growing on the dorm walls, the stuff just grows like a weed and one really cares,” Oker said as he chuckled to himself.

Administration officials at Yale said they never suspected anything as it was common practice for students and others to cut away pieces of the ivy as souvenirs of their time at Yale. School officials assured Faux-News that an investigation is under way.

Written & Submitted by
Abe S


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