More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
Geraldo / Gerardo Merger Falls

NEW YORK, NY - The proposed merger between Fox News journalist Geraldo Rivera and one-hit wonder Gerardo has been postponed indefinitely, say sources close to the SEC. The reasons for such a postponement were not available at press time.

Sources close to the two parties indicate that overtures were made through Mr. Rivera's lawyers earlier this year to merge their client with the entity known Gerardo, whose one hit "Rico Suave" helped fuel the Latin explosion of May-June 1992.

"For some reason, Geraldo thought it was a good idea to merge with Gerardo," an unnamed source said over the phone Tuesday. "It was bewildering to us all, because we weren't sure that Mr. Gerardo had any liquid assets left from his early royalty contracts.

Grande Suave
Geraldo - "Nuevos Grande"
Gerardo - "Rico Suave"

Gerardo, 42, is indeed unable to hold a job, having been fired from the drive-thru window of the Fort Laurdale Chucky Cheese this past month for "trying to seduce patrons with [his] Latin flavor and grinding pelvis." Sources close to the Gerardo camp confirm that the former teen idol spends his days in front of a computer at his parent's Miami residence, looking for "Gerardo message boards which he can infiltrate, to impress the members that he is actually talking to them." So far said searches have proven fruitless.

Rivera, meanwhile, is taking a break from his duties "revealing troop movements" for Fox News until the recent scandal blows over. Calls to Mr. Rivera's private residence in Scarsdale were not returned, and it is believed that he is in the Caribbean trying to persuade Billy Ocean to mount a comeback. No word is available on any progress that has been made in that effort.

For the time being, Mr. Rivera's duties at Fox are being handled by Bill "Kinky" O'Reilly.

Written & Submitted by
Trev Danger -
Washington Correspondent
(seeking a merger with Carmen Electra)

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