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By thamike.com
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Republicans Take Over Country, Dictionary

MONTGOMERY, AL - Election exit polls showed a majority of Americans favor family, compassion, love, and all things good. This shocking news immediately sounded the death-knell for Democratic candidates across the country.

Seizing the momentum, leaders from a broad coalition across the political right held a press conference yesterday to announce the creation of additional Republican values: love, compassion, butterflies, and the pursuit of happiness.

Christian groups considered supporting rainbows in the sweeping new platform, but initial focus groups established that rainbows, alone of all concepts tested, were solid Democrat territory.

Republican
Conservative Right Lays Claim
To Family, Freedom, Love

Republicans have been the clear pro-family, pro-life, pro-freedom, pro-God party, for the small core of voters who care about such things. With these new platform adoptions the party is reaching out to a wider array of voters, and they are responding.

“Republican values really speak to me,” said one woman in Elkins, West Virginia. “I wouldn’t want to elect any candidate who was anti-butterflies. In fact, I may actually vote next time.”At a polling station Okoboji, Iowa, one voter said, “I’ve heard that the Democrats want to kill God. Those arrogant Eastern liberal commie bastards, who the hell do they think they are? They’ll never get away with this.”

Said RNC Chairman Ed Gillespie, “The American public needs to know that a vote for the Democrats is a vote against love.”

Democratic leaders were struggling yesterday to cope with the enormous loss of “love” from their platform, now leaving them the party of “Peace and.”

Asked if they had plans to adopt “peace” in the near future, Republican officials said it was unlikely.Said Gillespie, “No, they can keep that for now.”

Written & Submitted by
Rebecca Ingber


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