U.N. funded research
project, saying that the results would
be presented at the third annual international
symposium on Roman Construction in March.
He seemed confident, however, that his
team was on the right track.
After twenty-four years of digging
around the old city of Rome with little
to show except for seven 3-ton bags
of designer quality Italian dirt, a
breakthrough discovery was made last
week by Firenze's cat, Aristotle. As
luck would have it, explains Firenze,
Aristotle wandered away from the 1 square
meter area the professors and their
doctoral studentassistants had designated
as the digging site for twenty-four
years.
When the research team, which numbers
between seventeen and twenty-five depending
on the day, saw that Aristotle had scampered
a good distance away, it sparked their
collective imaginations. "At first
I was annoyed with Aristotle for interrupting
my supervisory duties at the dig with
his free roaming behavior," says
Firenze. "But then, as if lighteningstruck
me, I realized that if Aristotle could
venture beyond the parameters of our
officially established site, so could
we."
When asked if he was the one who realized
this first, Firenze paused and explained
somewhat coyly that to his "best
recollection" several members of
the research team seemed to glance at
one another knowingly at in the same
moment. "I think it was really
that old notion of the collective unconscious,
of which I am sure you are familiar,
you see I think this idea of moving
further afield to a different area came
to several of us at once.
But I do believe that I was the one
who verbalized the possibility that
was surging through the circle at that
precise moment," he claims. Firenze
added that he thought the doctoral students
and other more junior members of the
research team would hesitate before
suggesting such a radical departure
from existing protocol. He, on the other
hand, as the Director, was in a uniquely
secure position from which to explore
this fresh trajectory.
Dr. Peter Hammerschlaggmunde, of the
prestigious German research institute
Romaduhrdungennstein, and Dr. Eirikur
Dammerskjorfjord, of the Iceland-Rome
Symposium Association, along with a
number of other prominent local, regional
and international authorities, are questioning
Firenze's research methods. "What
is this about a cat?" Hammerschlaggmund
bellows. "These Italians ..."
he begins, and then pauses before continuing
a little more calmly, "Might I
suggest that it would be best if everyone
in the international scholarly Constructing
and De-Constructing Rome community adopted
and adhered to the same universally
accepted set of standards?"
Hammerschlaggmunde is referring to the
1995 Lake Lucerne Accords on Uniformity
in Syncretic Aggregation of Scientific
Erudition Concerning the Metamorphic
Co-Arising of Rome, which was signed
by each member of Firenze's core group
in May of 1995. (A copy of the Accords
was not available for inspection at
the time of publication.
When questioned about his research methods
and the doubt surrounding his team's
adherence to the 1995 Accords, Firenze
waves his hand in the air, gesticulating
as if to dismiss the concern. "Sour
wine grapes," he retorts. "Let
us focus on the outcome of the research,
and not get bogged down in minutiae
which is ultimately trivial. Twenty
years from now, when the world has begun
to reap the benefits of this scientific
watershed, no one will care that a cat
was at the research site," he asserts.
"In fact, perhaps feline-assisted
research will become de-rigeur,"
he continues, "but of course I
have no attachment to that becoming
standard practice ... it is enough of
a legacy to disprove once and for all
this old wives' tail about Rome."
When asked where he might begin to focus
his academic pursuits once this project
comes to completion, Firenze said that
he has had a long standing interest
in investigating the actual, verifiable
results of putting the cart before the
horse, and also a longstanding interest
in who is buried in Grant's Tomb. If
Firenze's Roman discovery survives the
scrutiny of the scientific community,
he will certainly have all the funding
he needs for his pet projects. "I'm
confident," he beamed, "history
will bear me out."
Written
& Submitted by
Carah Fremont
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