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By thamike.com
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"Sober" Jury Finds Millionaire Psycho Innocent

Robert Durst, a millionaire who shot his neighbor, then cut him up and threw him into Galveston Bay, was found innocent by the O.J. Simpson jury this week. "After 4 days of deliberation over a cold one, make that a few cold ones, we decided, 'what the hell,'" said juror number 10 who asked to remain anonymous, but whose name is Patricia Clark. "I mean, come on, they didn't even find the fucking head, man, you know, man," added Jim Johnson, or juror number 4 as he asked to be called to protect is anonymity.

Mr. Durst, to his credit, did admit to committing the heinous crime, and, according to reports, seemed shocked at the verdict. At the exact moment when Durst was feeling this shock, every single other person in the world uttered the phrase "what the fuck?" under their breath, constituting the largest mass exhale in the history of the world.

"The 2nd night was the best," stated Juror number 9, whose Christian name is Fred Robinson, "we got so fucked up, it was crazy, (deep breath) really crazy." Not all of the jurors were in the party mood during the trial and deliberation. "No way, I don't drink. I just went home and read the newspaper, more specifically, only the parts having to do with the Robert Durst trial," added juror number 12, who lives at 3477 Oak Tree Lane and drives a red Chevy Blazer with a boutique license plate reading "LAYDKILLR".

Durst was first apprehended while trying to shoplift a five dollar sandwich. He had $5000 cash in his pocket at the time. When notified of this fact, officials at the American Foundation for Attention Deficit Disorder released a statement, it read, "Holy shit, that guy is..." then they trailed off and went to get lunch.

Written & Submitted by
Everythingisayistrue


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