Hey Mr. Jonas,
 
I just wanted to let you know that I am sick and tired of living in this shit hole you call a apartment building.
 
Every time I call you to fix something you never come on time, or at all. When you do, there is always something missing from my apartment. I can’t take any of this anymore!
 
Every time I flush the toilet it overflows
 
When the people upstairs flush their toilet, their shit comes out of my kitchen sink
 
The lights blink on and off all the time
 
The duct tape you put around the shower head is growing a bubble
 
The fridge hasn’t worked in months, and the stench of rotting food is disgusting
 
Windows everywhere are broken and covered with cardboard
 
&
 
You never told that guy next door to stop using his chainsaw at 4 in the morning while screaming bloody murder.
 
Look Fuckface, I can go on and on with all the problems around here. The only reason I stay is because you duped me into a 2 year lease, and if I break it I can’t get back my $1,500 deposit.
 
I’m just letting you know that the next time I see you,  I’m punching your green and rotted teeth down your throat. Then I’m going to rip out your spinal cord and beat what little life you have left in you out with it.
 
After I do all that, I’m going to drink a beer, have a smoke and let the nice people with the white coats come and take me away. I won’t fight them, because I will have finally found inner peace and true happiness because you’ll be worm food, you ugly smelly sheep-fucker.
I despise you.  I wish nothing but misery, death,and unhappiness for you and your family.
 
Oh yeah, where the hell is my fucking cat, asshole!

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Trogdor