The breaking point was when he bought, with the allowance I give him, a Nelly album. 'It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes?' What the fuck is that? It's not music, that's for sure. I told him 'Look, you're white, you went to the most privileged schools we could get you into ever since preschool so I know you can speak proper English, and you were raised on Johnny Cash, so if you don't cut this shit out you can go,' And that was that. I kicked his 'black' ass out the next day."
 
"Yoyoyo dat nigga be TRIPPIN. He angry cuz I got da hot ice flava flaaaaave and he got jack and shit, and jack left town, yo! AAAAAH DAAWG, DAT WAS FROM ARMY OF DARKNESS, DA BEST MOVIE EVA. Ah, shit, I mean FRIDAY. Yeah, FRIDAY, HOME SKILLET. But yo man, I was like 'Look Pops, don't be callin' me Paul and be makin' me listen to yo damn Danzig CDs an' shit. I'm P-Dizzle, I'm in the hizzle, and dis ain't no fad, I'm practically black FO SHIZZLE. G-G-G-G-G-UNIT!' And den dat nigga' went 'oops' upside mah head. So I said fuck it, I can make a livin' on mah mad rhymin' skillz."
 
We at Faux-Newz must ask, is it right to punish your children for getting caught up in dumb, international fads, such as the "ghetto fever" we're seeing now?
 
"Kicking him out may have been extreme, but fuck, if I heard one more song about ice or dubs or whatever, I would have killed the fucking kid. I mean, Christ, at least listen to some rappers with artistic integrity. Am I racist? No, not at all. Trashy, stupid behavior is trashy and stupid no matter what race. I would have kicked him out if he tried to grope his sister and started listening
to Jeff Foxworthy all day, too."
 
Many other fathers have followed Jerry's lead and have kicked out their children until they stop listening to MTV and learn who they are. Wegros, Japanese wannabe anime-freaks, Goth poseurs, watch yourselves, because your parents aren't putting up with your stupid crap anymore.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Michael