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By thamike.com
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Jury's Choice Of Fate For Beltway Sniper Unconventional

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA - Late last week, the jury in the infamous sniper trial went in to chambers to deliberate about the fate of defendant John Allen Muhammed.
 
“There should be no discussion about the guilt or innocence of the defendant,” instructed the judge. “Guilt has already been established. The only thing you have to decide is the proper punishment for this heinous crime.”

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The judge went on to explain that because the defendant was eligible for the death penalty, the jury was going to have to weigh that option in the decision. He also mentioned that because of the particularly heinous nature of these crimes, an additional decision would have to be made if the death penalty was chosen: the executioner.
 
“It is so important that the punishment fit the crime in this case, that for the first time ever we have held auditions for the executioner,” explained the judge. Then, the bailiff introduced the two men chosen as candidates: Candyman and Hellraiser. 

“Both of these men are known for their exquisite talent in the matters of death. Both are fully willing and able to carry out this punishment the way it should be done. Go, discuss, and choose. If you choose death, choose your candidate for the job.”

It’s hard to tell which way the jury will go. Candyman’s infamous hook and kisses of bees have been feared for years. However, Hellraiser does offer the capacity to make the punishment last for an eternity.
 
In related news, Freddy Kreuger and Child’s Play’s Chucky appear to be front runners as punishment distribution specialists when Muhammed’s partner Lee Malvo comes to trial next spring.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Nerraux

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