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More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
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Sponsored Child Not Doing Too Well

If I may take a break from my regular "news" writing, I need to make a plea to some old friends.
 
Attention Keyz, Chevy, Brad, Mr. Benedict and anybody else living in Patterson Hall during the '93-'94 school year that might have been involved.
 
You may remember that we went through a period where, for recreation, we called every 800 number that came on the t.v. while we watched in the evening. Remember how we all ordered my lactose-intolerant girlfriend all those sample packs of LactAid? Remember how Keyz ordered me all that Rogaine information, despite the fact that I had a full head of long hair? Remember how we tried to get Brad signed up for the army and how I spent a half hour on the phone with the chick from the 70's preservation society when K-Tel was pushing that stupid disco album?

Umberto

Those were all fun things, but there was one prank that went awry. There was that one night we had played Mortal Kombat until the wee hours and switched off to relax with Conan before drifting to sleep. Then that face dawned on the screen, round like the sun, but much larger - Sally Struthers. We thought it would be funny to order Keyz a Guatemalan child, and laughed about it long after getting off the phone. We forgot about it by the next morning, and never told Keyz until he walked into our room about two weeks later with Umberto.
 
We laughed for several minutes, then felt a little bad, then tossed Umberto in the garbage and made for the caf. Then something happened.
 
You remember Fisher? The mohawk guy? Well, I have recently found out that Fisher pulled Umberto out of the trash and has been corresponding with him ever since.
 
When I came across this picture online today, I immediately recognized our little guy. Gentlemen, you know I'm as much for ignoring the plight of my fellow man as much as the next guy, but I think we owe this kid something. Besides, I hear that just $1.00 a week from each of us will buy Umberto some booze to go with that smoke.
 
Please. Join with me. Together we can make a difference in the life of this little boy.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Nerraux


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