LOS ANGELES, CA - Homeless comedian Big Jim Feeler was unable to think up a funny sign yesterday to facilitate his pan-handling. The 38-year-old frustrated comic admits that his frustration grew as he watched old homeless people walk by with signs reading "Need Money For Beer And Prostitutes," "Tell Me Off For $5," and "Will Smell Bad For Food." Feeler confessed, "They were all good lines. I'm pissed I didn't think of them first." He says he tried some funny signs of his own such as, "Pay Me To Go Away" or "Support The Cue Card Business," but his signs just didn't evoke a good response from passersby. "For awhile there I used the ‘Need Money For Beer And Prostitutes' sign, but then somebody noticed I had copied it from the other guy. They called me a hack." Feeler says his plans for the future include either hiring a writer or robbing the elderly.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Lee Camp