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By thamike.com
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He Was Hung By The Chimney, Well Hung

In honor of our recent mention in Penthouse Magazine

http://www.tshirthell.com/press.htm#penthouse

I present the true story of how I spent last Christmas.

Dear Penthouse Forum,
I never thought this would happen to me. I am a beautiful young Nubian woman who also happens to own a very successful internet company so I'm also fabulously wealthy. I've been there done that, and I make the t-shirt; so you can imagine how boring life is for me.

The other night I was strolling through the mall when I saw the most virile looking man. They had to call for a 'clean up on aisle four' he made me so wet. He was just sitting there in this gorgeous red suit with white fur trim. He had a thick white beard and a huge belly. Children were lining up to sit on his lap. It was too good to be true. Not only was this man gorgeous, but he shared my interest in young boys! It was all I could do not to run into the nearest Brookstone and ram one of those giant, 'back massagers' into the steaming, single-slice toaster between my legs.

I got into line behind the last little boy. I don't think I mentioned my outfit, yet. Since I came directly from church, I was wearing 4 strips of electrical tape, my nipple clamps, and a 5 inch long micro mini skirt that barely covered my fabulous pooper. I was also wearing 5 inch stilettos, shin guards, a Jimmy Choo catcher's mitt, and a sombrero.

When it was my turn, I tightened my clamps and adjusted my skirt. I straddled him, and his eyes filled with tears of desire, or perhaps agony. I was wearing my leather thong with the metal spikes on it, and hadn't taken that into consideration as I ground my pelvis against his mighty Yule log.

He managed to gasp, "What would you like for Christmas?" before I slipped the ball gag into his mouth.

"I want you to slide your thick, candy cane of love through the honeyed window of my gingerbread house!" I cried as I drove the heel of my stiletto into his instep; piercing the top of his shiny black boot. We were so close I could really get a good whiff of him. He smelled like baby vomit, stale urine, and scotch. With every passing moment he reminded me more and more of my dad. I couldn't have been more aroused.

The children began sobbing in delight. Some of their parents grabbed me roughly by the shoulders. It was going to be a gangbang I realized with glee! I dropped to all fours and arched my back like a reindeer: waiting for that first North pole to enter my Southern most hole(s).

So needless to say I spent Christmas in jail. Jail is full of real lesbians, which don't even seem to be the species as the lesbians you see in the movies. They beat me, and violated me in every possible way. It was like Abu Ghraib, only everyone smelled like patchouli, and these bitches really knew what they were doing. After a week of brutal treatment, my high priced lawyer was finally able to convince me to go home. I was sad to leave Ruth, Marge, and Irma, but I know I'll see them again - if only to have them fed to my hounds. Looking back, I guess you could say my ride on Santa's lap really made my Christmas wish come true.

Written & Submitted by
Gary From TSHIRTHELL.com


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