According to the Keisters, Mr. Dryzinski began harassing them on New Year's Day 2004 when he left a message on their answering machine asking if Ron Keister wanted to come over to watch the toilet bowl on Mr. Dryzinski's 48-inch plasma screen.
 
"Since then," said Mr. Keister, an accountant with Toomer and Roth, "Dryzinski hasn't missed an opportunity to tell people that we're addicted to crack or that our favorite beer is Heiniekin or that our favorite dance is the can-can. He even held a Keister egg hunt for neighborhood children last year.
 
"The final straw came at Dryzinski's Christmas party," said Mr. Keister. "He promised not to make fun of us, so we went. Then, as soon as we got there, he said, ‘Hey, everybody, the assholes from next door are here.' When I reminded him of his promise, he laughed and said that he had been speaking tongue in cheek."
 
Mr. Dryzinski, a self-employed tattoo artist, reacted to the Keisters' suit with a shrug. "I think they're really making asses of themselves," he deadpanned. "They won't get anywhere giving me the bum's rush. They've got to learn to put their sensitivity behind them."
 
Judd Zimmerman, the attorney representing Mr. Dryzinski, argues that the Keisters "could make this all go away" if they would simply alter the pronunciation of their last name.
 
"I wrote to their lawyer last week, suggesting that his clients pronounce their name so that it rhymes with 'blister,'" said Zimmerman. "They refused. They're more interested in salving their wounded pride with my client's money than they are in resolving this issue. That's what's at the bottom of this case."

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Phil Maggitti