COLUMBUS, OH - Local and national Democratic Party officials ruled out Ohio's existence Wednesday, according to party insiders. During the national recount of the presidential elections, which only a handful of Democrats are carrying out, the spearheads of the investigation came to a stunning conclusion: the state of Ohio does not exist, and maybe never has.

"This is the apex of Republican Party dirty business,"said Kerry spokeswoman, Mary Beth Cahill. ëAll this time we have been scrutinizing the Ohio voter disenfranchisement, when all along there was, in fact, no Ohio."

Needless to say, this discovery has both parties up in arms, with democrats driving madly from Massachusetts to Indiana and finding no Ohio in between, to Republicans making frantic phone calls from motels they insist are located in the alleged "Ohio."Although John Kerry has made no comment on the scandal, many in Hollywood have spoken.