Election officials
cannot account for the overwhelmingly
large number of undecided voters who
are just now making their choice for
president, so many weeks after the final
vote was cast. Some cite the tendency
of many undecideds to put things off
until the last minute.
"What the hell is wrong with these
people?" comedian Jerry Seinfeld
commented to an empty audience at the
Laff Phactory in Missoula Falls. His
sentiments have been echoed by much
of the mainstream media.
"I think the amount of idiots out
there who don't know the election has
come and gone is astounding," election
watcher David Gergen expressed on Larry
King Live this past week. "You'd
think they could have made up their
minds at least before the week of the
election, but to do so only after the
votes have been tallied is just plain
stupid."
Political pundits across the nation
have derided those undecided voters,
who seemed such an important factor
in the 2004 election up until they failed
to show up in November. Exit polls suggested
that a lot of undecideds were unsure
where they stood on the issues, reluctant
to answer questions about their stance
on gay marriage, and iffy about peanut
butter and jelly in their sandwiches.
Most seemed to think that the race was
between teen queens Lindsay Lohan and
Hilary Duff, not Kerry or Bush.
The total number of undecideds who have
come forward to finally cast their ballots
is unknown at press time, but it's believed
that enough support for Kerry is evident
among the undecided voters that it could
very well have turned the election slightly
less to Bush's favor. Many remain clueless
about the fact that, as it stands, their
vote now means nothing.
"I plan to vote for Kerry at least
before the Super Bowl," Turner
said to reporters. "That way, I
think we can all breath a sigh of relief
that Bush won't be around for four more
years."
To this one bystander replied, "The
election's over, idiot! Pull your head
out of your ass!"
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Trev Danger, Washington Correspondent (It's a Living)
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