White
House officials made a formal apology
today, on behalf of the president, for
the damage caused when what Bush calls
“The Space Turkey” collided
with the space station.
“The President feels very badly
about the structural and emotional harm
caused by his attempt at holiday generosity,”
said a White House representative. “He
sends his formal apologies for those
involved in the incident.”
The “Space Turkey” or “Operation:
Star Feast,” as it is known in
government circles, marks the first
time a United States president has tried
to launch dinner into orbit since former
president Richard Nixon attempted to
fling a glazed ham around the moon’s
orbit to the brave astronauts in Apollo
13 over 30 years ago.
“Had we been warned beforehand,”
said one space station employee, “we
would have been happy to receive the
Thanksgiving meal. But it was
ill timed, and the course was improperly
charted. Just seeing those dollops
of cranberry sauce and orbs of marshmallow-coated
mashed yams floating off into the blackness
of space was sheer misery.”
He added, “If only the President
had phoned us first. Now the crew
is almost at each other’s throats.”
This year, President Bush has made it
a point to send surprise holiday gifts
and in the case of his shocking trip
to Iraq this week, make surprise holiday
visits. His administration insists
that he wishes to maintain morale where
it is needed, and give thanks to those
who deserve it. They have conceded
that he gets a little overzealous during
the holiday season.
“He went to Kandahar for Black
Friday,” said one White House
staffer, who wished to remain anonymous,
“He was giving away these tacky
beaded Christmas sweaters to women in
burkas.”
After a moment, he added, “For
half price.”
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Russell Paika |