The
holiday season is a time full of joy,
cheer, parties, and family gatherings.
Except for you it is a time of self-evaluation,
loneliness, reflection on past failures,
and anxiety about an uncertain future.
If this is the case, follow my helpful
suggestions.Keep expectations for the
holiday season realistic. Try to set
obtainable goals for yourself. Pace
yourself. Be true to yourself about
what you can and cannot do. Do not put
entire focus on just one day (i.e.,
Christmas Day).
* Remember the holiday
season does not banish reasons for feeling
sad or lonely; there is room for these
feelings to be present, even if you
choose not to express them.
* Leave “yesteryear”
in the past and look toward the future.
The good ol' days are gone. Stop being
such a pussy and get over shit already.
Remember killing yourself is weak and
cowardly, do you really think people
have the money or feel like planning
your funeral after the holidays? Wait
till at least a month after Christmas.
* Do something for
someone else. If you don't ordinarily
help others, now is a good time to make
up for your uncaring ways. Give a hobo
a sandwich, shovel your grandmother’s
walk, and bang that lonely housewife
with the 7 kids next door.
* Enjoy activities
that are free. Like bitching about the
people in your life that irritate you
or really beat the fuck out of that
not so special someone.
* Be aware that excessive
drinking will only help you now, you'll
feel like shit in the morning, and remember
you have to get to work you dipshit.
* Try something new.
Like shitting in a bag and giving it
to a friend. If you've already done
that, try a stab at needlepoint. Fuck
it; you're already a bitch.
* Spend time with supportive
and caring people. Nothing makes you
feel better about your life then spending
time with your retarded 2nd cousin,
your 38 year old uncle who hasn't been
laid in 20 years or watching your 100
year old aunt Mabel try to eat ham without
her dentures, sight or even the motor
skills to pick up her meat.
* Save time for yourself!
Fuck everybody else. If they did things
for you, you wouldn't be feeling depressed
now would you. Sit a different way on
your couch, watch a porno you haven't
seen yet and jerk off with your other
hand.
You'll thank me in the morning.
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Trogdor
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