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By thamike.com
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Holiday Depression

The holiday season is a time full of joy, cheer, parties, and family gatherings. Except for you it is a time of self-evaluation, loneliness, reflection on past failures, and anxiety about an uncertain future.

If this is the case, follow my helpful suggestions.Keep expectations for the holiday season realistic. Try to set obtainable goals for yourself. Pace yourself. Be true to yourself about what you can and cannot do. Do not put entire focus on just one day (i.e., Christmas Day).

* Remember the holiday season does not banish reasons for feeling sad or lonely; there is room for these feelings to be present, even if you choose not to express them.

* Leave “yesteryear” in the past and look toward the future. The good ol' days are gone. Stop being such a pussy and get over shit already. Remember killing yourself is weak and cowardly, do you really think people have the money or feel like planning your funeral after the holidays? Wait till at least a month after Christmas.

* Do something for someone else. If you don't ordinarily help others, now is a good time to make up for your uncaring ways. Give a hobo a sandwich, shovel your grandmother’s walk, and bang that lonely housewife with the 7 kids next door.

* Enjoy activities that are free. Like bitching about the people in your life that irritate you or really beat the fuck out of that not so special someone.

* Be aware that excessive drinking will only help you now, you'll feel like shit in the morning, and remember you have to get to work you dipshit.

* Try something new. Like shitting in a bag and giving it to a friend. If you've already done that, try a stab at needlepoint. Fuck it; you're already a bitch.

* Spend time with supportive and caring people. Nothing makes you feel better about your life then spending time with your retarded 2nd cousin, your 38 year old uncle who hasn't been laid in 20 years or watching your 100 year old aunt Mabel try to eat ham without her dentures, sight or even the motor skills to pick up her meat.

* Save time for yourself! Fuck everybody else. If they did things for you, you wouldn't be feeling depressed now would you. Sit a different way on your couch, watch a porno you haven't seen yet and jerk off with your other hand.

You'll thank me in the morning.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Trogdor


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