More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
Mr. T No Longer Pities The Fool

CHICAGO, IL - Laurence Tureaud, AKA Mr. T best know for his role as Sgt. Bosco Albert 'B.A./Bad Attitude' Baracus and Clubber Lang in Rocky III announced in a press conference this week that he no longer "Pities The Fool."
The announcement brought to an end almost 20 years of Fool Pitying.
When asked why he had this sudden change of heart T said, "I was brought up on the hard streets of South Chicago and did anyone pity me? I was the second youngest of 12 kids and I got my ass beat constantly, did anyone pity me?  I had my college scholarship taken away from me after one year, did anyone pity me?  I blew millions of dollars and have to fall back on bit parts in movies, does anyone pity me?  The answer is no. Nobody pities this fool!"

Some critics feel that this announcement is just to bring T back into the limelight seeing that he is no longer in 10-10-321 commercials and he needs some publicity because he is about to release his own version of Hooked-On-Phonics.

Mr. T Wants Childrens To
Unleashify Their Full Potential!

In an exclusive interview with Faux-Newz, T opened up to us and showed us his kinder, gentler side.
FN - Why are you releasing your own version of Hooked-On-Phonics?
T - Listen here fool, T is tired of seeing little childrens not spelling so good or doing well in school. T feels that they aren't properly motivated and they need a good kick in the ass.
FN - What makes you feel that your program can help them?
T - Well, I never had to study in school ‘cause I had a photographic memory. So I am going to try and instill that version of myself into these childrens with fear, threats, headlocks and a shit load of whoop ass.
FN - Very interesting... Finally, in an interview earlier this week Dr. Phil was quoted as saying that you are an illiterate wash up and no one would give a shit if you would have died from your illness a few years back. Is there anything else you'd like to add to that comment?
T - Ohhhh that Dr Phil makes T so angry! I pity the fool that disrespects Mr. T and doesn't want childrens to unleashify their full potential!
Mr T's ABC-123's is expected to sell like hotcakes this holiday season.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Tha Mike

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