One night while he was sitting down to a nice dinner of uncooked freshly caught trout the phone rang. It was his agent explaining that ABC had called to offer him a roll in one of their upcoming true stories movie of the week.

"I didn't care what the part I would be playing was about." said Gollum. "The pay was good, I was offered Ben Affleck’s old trailer and I didn't have to sit in the makeup chair at all."

The roll Gollum landed was that of Calista Flockhart in "Calista, You Must Mangia, The Calista Flockart Story".

Gollum explained, "The movie is about the daily struggles of Ms. Flockhart and her battle with Anorexia. A good deal of the movie is based around her old FOX show Ally McBeil, so you can imagine how excited I was to do a scene with the Dancing Baby. I always thought that baby looked delicious."

"The whole experience wasn't exactly how I expected it to be. I really didn't eat anything for the whole six months of shooting. Then when I finally got to do my scene with the Dancing Baby and I thought dinner was on, I was informed that the baby was computer generated. Talk about the mother of all disappointments."

When asked if there was anything else on the horizon for Gollum. Spence McDougal, his agent said, "Depending on the success of this movie I feel that Sméagol can become the next Tom Cruise or at least Clint Howard. Come on that guy is a troll."

Calista, You Must Mangia, The Calista Flockart Story will be airing on ABC later this spring.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Tha Mike