More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
Fat Tuesday

Ok folks, Fat Tuesday or Mardi Gras is fast approaching and I thought I'd share some things for you to do this Tuesday be it in NOLA (New Orleans, Louisiana) or at a bar in your own home town.

Firstly some people may ask, "What is Fat Tuesday?" Well either you are a sadly sheltered person who lives in a cave in northern Canada or your a fucking idiot. Regardless here is a brief history of Fat Tuesday...

* Mardi Gras, the French for 'fat Tuesday', has got quite a few names. While the English used to call it Shrove Tuesday, or, later as Pancake Day, to the Germans it is Fastnachtkuchen, or, just Fastnacht. Yet, irrespective of this name game, Mardi Gras - or at least its counterparts under different names, is no newcomer in the history of humanity. Take, for instance, the Carnival. This can be regarded as the mother of Mardi Gras traditions, with the origin embedded in ancient Rome. However, around the middle of the second century traditions of the Carnival became popular as a way to feast and act wild before the somber days of Lent. This is still celebrated as a splendid festival across South America and in the Catholic countries of Europe.

Although Mardi Gras is basically a Catholic holiday, today it is party for everyone here in United States. This is especially true in New Orleans and other parts of Louisiana, which can be credited for introducing this tradition in the country.

Mardi Gras first came to New Orleans through French Culture in the year 1699 when the French explorers celebrated the holiday on the Mississippi River. Over the years, the celebration has witnessed growing national attention with many parades and parties coming in to add to its hue and flavor. Despite the Hispanic invasion later the celebration has not lost its original French influence.

Today though it is celebrated with much fanfare as a public holiday only in the southern states of Louisiana, Alabama, and Florida, its fame gradually extended nationwide. The French tradition apart, influences of the Germans, as well as the British are evident in the day's customs across the country.

Ok now you have your explanation, now, lets just say your drinking and having a good time. You have your beads in one hand and a 64-ounce pitcher of beer or scotch (depending on if you not a pussy) in the other hand.

Now you really feel the need to get laid, what do you do? If you pay for a hooker you'll have no money left to drink. Do you...

a.) Wait it out and see if you can bang on of the 2 chicks for every 10000 guys there

b.) Run to the bathroom, stand in the shitter and rub one out


c.) Get that fucking hooker and find a way to drink more laterI'd personally go with C. Now here is where my sage like advice comes into play. How can you get completely fucked up for under 5 bucks?

My friends, this is how I would do it...

Be Female - hell chicks get to drink all the time for free, why can't you take some clothes from one of the naked chicks running around and act female for the night. No one will really notice from all the booze consumed. Plus you'll get free drinks and you may even get some hot lesbo action.

Don't Sleep For A Few Days - If you ever tried this, enough said.

Discover Antifreeze - That drunk on the corner always looked fucked up and he's still alive so he must know something you don't.

Try Medication - If you are on medication take 10 times the amount and go have a beer. If you’re with someone who has his or her own kind of medication try some of theirs, it will certainly help the cause.

If It Ends In 'OL', Drink It - Alcohol isn't the only intoxicant ending in 'ol'. Methanol, Butanol and Propanol are all fine safe intoxicants, often available at Home Depot at low, low prices. I prefer to stay away from aerosol, cholesterol, & drool, but that's all up to you.

Hang With Losers - Losers will always buy for you all night as long as they have someone to talk to.

Be A Vulture - Go to any bar and you'll usually see alcohol that people just don't want. Most often these finds will be at empty tables. Grab the booze, and move to your next possible free drink. Yeah there might be cigarette butts and ashes in it, but so what, it's free.

Even if you take a drink that someone wasn't finished with, tough shit, they probably won't even realize it, plus... Finders keepers!

Take my tips and have one hell of a night! I know I will.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer

* (courtesy - www.theholidayspot.com)

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