Ok folks, Fat Tuesday or Mardi Gras
is fast approaching and I thought I'd
share some things for you to do this
Tuesday be it in NOLA (New Orleans,
Louisiana) or at a bar in your own home
Firstly some people may ask, "What
is Fat Tuesday?" Well either you
are a sadly sheltered person who lives
in a cave in northern Canada or your
a fucking idiot. Regardless here is
a brief history of Fat Tuesday...
Mardi Gras, the French for 'fat
Tuesday', has got quite a few
names. While the English used
to call it Shrove Tuesday, or,
later as Pancake Day, to the Germans
it is Fastnachtkuchen, or,
just Fastnacht. Yet, irrespective
of this name game, Mardi Gras
- or at least its counterparts
under different names, is no newcomer
in the history of humanity. Take,
for instance, the Carnival. This
can be regarded as the mother
of Mardi Gras traditions, with
the origin embedded in ancient
Rome. However, around the middle
of the second century traditions
of the Carnival became popular
as a way to feast and act wild
before the somber days of Lent.
This is still celebrated as a
splendid festival across South
America and in the Catholic countries
Although Mardi Gras is basically
a Catholic holiday, today it is
party for everyone here in United
States. This is especially true
in New Orleans and other parts
of Louisiana, which can be credited
for introducing this tradition
in the country.
Mardi Gras first came to New Orleans
through French Culture in the
year 1699 when the French explorers
celebrated the holiday on the
Mississippi River. Over the years,
the celebration has witnessed
growing national attention with
many parades and parties coming
in to add to its hue and flavor.
Despite the Hispanic invasion
later the celebration has not
lost its original French influence.
Today though it is celebrated
with much fanfare as a public
holiday only in the southern states
of Louisiana, Alabama, and Florida,
its fame gradually extended nationwide.
The French tradition apart, influences
of the Germans, as well as the
British are evident in the day's
customs across the country.
you have your explanation, now, lets
just say your drinking and having a
good time. You have your beads in one
hand and a 64-ounce pitcher of beer
or scotch (depending on if you not a
pussy) in the other hand.
Now you really feel the need to get
laid, what do you do? If you pay for
a hooker you'll have no money left to
drink. Do you...
a.) Wait it out and
see if you can bang on of the 2 chicks
for every 10000 guys there
b.) Run to the bathroom,
stand in the shitter and rub one out
c.) Get that fucking
hooker and find a way to drink more
laterI'd personally go with C. Now here
is where my sage like advice comes into
play. How can you get completely fucked
up for under 5 bucks?
My friends, this is how I would do it...
Be Female - hell chicks
get to drink all the time for free,
why can't you take some clothes from
one of the naked chicks running around
and act female for the night. No one
will really notice from all the booze
consumed. Plus you'll get free drinks
and you may even get some hot lesbo
Don't Sleep For A Few Days -
If you ever tried this, enough said.
Discover Antifreeze -
That drunk on the corner always looked
fucked up and he's still alive so he
must know something you don't.
Try Medication - If
you are on medication take 10 times
the amount and go have a beer. If you’re
with someone who has his or her own
kind of medication try some of theirs,
it will certainly help the cause.
If It Ends In 'OL', Drink It
- Alcohol isn't the only intoxicant
ending in 'ol'. Methanol, Butanol
and Propanol are all fine safe intoxicants,
often available at Home Depot at low,
low prices. I prefer to stay away from
aerosol, cholesterol, & drool, but
that's all up to you.
Hang With Losers -
Losers will always buy for you all night
as long as they have someone to talk
Be A Vulture - Go to
any bar and you'll usually see alcohol
that people just don't want. Most
often these finds will be at empty tables.
Grab the booze, and move to your next
possible free drink. Yeah there might
be cigarette butts and ashes in it,
but so what, it's free.
Even if you take a drink that someone
wasn't finished with, tough shit, they
probably won't even realize it, plus...
my tips and have one hell of a night!
I know I will.
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
(courtesy - www.theholidayspot.com)