“I
am Michael Eisner,” he said via
satellite phone, today. “I
am a survivor. I wish for peace,
but if the rebels continue to lay siege
to my stronghold, I fear the streets
of Burbank will run to the brim with
the blood of the innocent.”
Pro-Eisner troops have taken to looting
and pillaging, sometimes maiming or
firing upon even those who have no visible
allegiance. Just yesterday, the
Valley Village Shopping Center was engulfed
in flames after a confrontation between
pro and anti Eisner factions.
While rebels surround the outskirts
of Burbank, pro Eisner troops, mostly
former parking garage security officers
and production assistants, have been
looting the small area around Disney
that they occupy; sometimes firing indiscriminately
into passing automobiles. Several
Disney animators were spotted tossing
mace grenades into oncoming Mercedes
convertibles.
The trouble started when Eisner, formerly
Disney’s Golden Boy, came under
scrutiny by not only the Hollywood Industry
but all of Los Angeles itself.
“My kids are starved for entertainment,”
said rebel gunman Rob Garingue. “Eisner
gives us nothing. He’s
been resting on the Power Of The Mouse
for too long. What if every feature
cartoon was ‘Tarzan’ all
over again?”
He added, “Eisner must go.”
He then hopped onto a truck carrying
mercenaries from Pixar, and headed into
the fray.
The Bush Administration is currently
in communication with Eisner, and has
formally asked for his resignation.
However, he refuses to leave the confines
of Disney headquarters unless he is
promised full U.S. protection and immunity
from a war crimes tribunal. Negotiations
are ongoing.
50 U.S. Marines have been deployed since
last week to Lankersheim Blvd. to keep
the violence at bay.
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Russell Paika |