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Anti Eisner Rebels Close In On Disney HQ

BURBANK, CA - Anti-Eisner rebel forces, who have been waging a month-long bloody war in the streets of the San Fernando Valley, say that they are within a day or two of storming Disney Headquarters and vow to put an end to an era of “the bloodshed and torment that Michael Eisner has forced our people to endure.”

Eisner, who took control of Disney by free election more than 10 years ago, was ousted by military coup, and then re-instated by U.S. armed forces under the Clinton administration, has barricaded himself in his Burbank skyscraper, with only his most trusted underlings left to protect him. His ability to communicate with the outside world is extremely limited.

Eisner
Michael Eisner Shows His Utter
Distaste At Approaching Mob

“I am Michael Eisner,” he said via satellite phone, today. “I am a survivor. I wish for peace, but if the rebels continue to lay siege to my stronghold, I fear the streets of Burbank will run to the brim with the blood of the innocent.”

Pro-Eisner troops have taken to looting and pillaging, sometimes maiming or firing upon even those who have no visible allegiance. Just yesterday, the Valley Village Shopping Center was engulfed in flames after a confrontation between pro and anti Eisner factions. While rebels surround the outskirts of Burbank, pro Eisner troops, mostly former parking garage security officers and production assistants, have been looting the small area around Disney that they occupy; sometimes firing indiscriminately into passing automobiles. Several Disney animators were spotted tossing mace grenades into oncoming Mercedes convertibles.

The trouble started when Eisner, formerly Disney’s Golden Boy, came under scrutiny by not only the Hollywood Industry but all of Los Angeles itself.

“My kids are starved for entertainment,” said rebel gunman Rob Garingue. “Eisner gives us nothing. He’s been resting on the Power Of The Mouse for too long. What if every feature cartoon was ‘Tarzan’ all over again?”

He added, “Eisner must go.” He then hopped onto a truck carrying mercenaries from Pixar, and headed into the fray.

The Bush Administration is currently in communication with Eisner, and has formally asked for his resignation. However, he refuses to leave the confines of Disney headquarters unless he is promised full U.S. protection and immunity from a war crimes tribunal. Negotiations are ongoing.

50 U.S. Marines have been deployed since last week to Lankersheim Blvd. to keep the violence at bay.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Russell Paika


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