| Rude:
I heard you were quitting this column,
is that true?
Quitters are Pussies
Dear Pussies:
Yeah. But fortunately, your lame-ass
had to ask a question that I had to
answer, so I guess there's just one
more, isn't there?
Listen, I blame douchebags like you--sure,
you read what I write. You chuckle as
I tell some kid to go and smoke a bunch
of cocks with his daddy, but then you
move on to something else, when really,
you've got some latent homosexuality
issue that you know I can help you with,
but no, instead, you just say "fuck
it" and keep cruising.
Either that, or the dickwads that I
write for are too fucking stupid to
put a "Submit Your Question To
Rude" form on the same fucking
pages as my column.
Either way, you all are still very much
borderline functional retards and I'm
surprised you've made it this far.
*
Note - Yes we are dickwads, we had a
Submit To Rude
link before but somehow it was removed.
Our apologies.
Rude:
Why is it that everyone seems to be so
frustrated lately? It seems that even
the regular happy-go-lucky types at my
favorite sites are all up in each others'
shit lately.
Sad Sack
Dear Sac:
It's that in-between season period right
now--the "in-between wearing a big
sweater to cover my back bacon and acne-coated
back and the now-it's-warm-so-I-need-to-lose-50lbs-so-I-can-stand-a-chance-at-getting
-laid-again, maybe-season".
So, look, break out the Foreman grill,
lard-asses. Start frying up some chicken
and drink the low-carb bitch brew that
you need to work off the wait. Get your
whiney little carbohydrate-starved Nancy-ass
bodies on a fucking treadmill or a stairmaster
and stop watching fucking pre-season baseball;
the Chicago Cubs aren't going to rock
the hizzouse until after the season starts,
so you might just as well quit your lazy
lollygagging and do something. March Madness
is just around the corner and if you don't
get your sad asses into your own training
regimine before then, well, you're just
screwed lard-ass cry babies who'll never
get laid, unless the whore you're picking
up weighs as much as you and has just
as much acne on her back-bacon.
So, pick it up, douchebags. I'm tired
of fucking with you; I'm going to get
laid this year, with or without you degenerates.
Oh, and start small.
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Rude
Direct your questions to: rude@thamike.com
or click here
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