Washington, D.C. - President Bush announced today, that he has drafted and will push for a constitutional amendment banning public homosexuality in any form. This decision is riding on the heels of his most recent crusade against gay marriage.

“America doesn’t like homosexuals,” said the president. “Homosexuals are icky, and in my crusade to unite the good people of this country, I intend to make open gayness illegal.”

“I’ve never even met a queer,” he continued. “There can’t be that many of them.”

The new bill has sparked some controversy in the past week. Some think it is a bit too strict. Several congressmen and advisors have appealed to Bush about the severity of the law. In response, President Bush has made some adjustments.

“My intention has always been to unite this country,” Bush told reporters. “However, a few fringe elements in the Democratic Party say that I’m being a bit strict with my anti-gay amendment. So, I have added a rider stating that every state will be supplied with a 30x30 yard tarp under which gay people can act as gay as they want for 15 minutes a day except Sundays, provided they make an appointment 90 days in advance. I think we can all agree that’s about as gay as America should get.”

Many Democrats decried Bush’s stance as cruel.

“The tarp should at least be 50x50 yards,” Senator John F. Kerry (D. Mass.) has said.

Howard Dean is quoted as saying, “Bush is out of his mind. The tarp should be blue.”

The Bush Administration expects the amendment to pass in early 2005.