WASHINGTON, D.C. - In recent months since being named the Democratic nominee for the next presidential election John Kerry has recently admitted that he feels bad for calling President Bush many things, but not the one thing he should have all along.

Kerry said, "I've called Bush "Extreme And Out Of Touch". I've said he is "A Leader Of A Band Of Crooked Liars". I've called his Anit-Gay Amendment "Divisive", I've called his bluff with Clarke AND I've even called for numerous debates with him"

He finished, "Hell, I've been calling myself an "Underdog" against him all this time. I firmly believe that the American Public wants the truth and they want people to say what they (the public) are thinking. So what I really should have been calling him all along is an ASSHOLE."

Bush was unavailable for comment. White House Officials said he was currently detained.