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FBI Raids Huffy Co. Headquarters

MIAMISBURG, OH - Federal agents swarmed to the corporate offices of Huffy, the most popular bicycle manufacturer in the United States, in a pre-dawn raid on Monday, bureau officials said.

Two Huffy insurgency operatives were killed and one federal agent was wounded in the raid, which lasted roughly one hour. Amid a hail of gunfire, agents were able to put down the resistance and secure the building. They seized computers and documents, and cordoned off the area, which still remains off limits to reporters.

An FBI operative involved in the raid was able to tell reporters a few details about the raid, on the condition of anonymity.

“I am only able to tell you that the raid was necessary, and successful,” he said. “Huffy was a threat to Democracy, and it has been safely neutralized.”

The raid was in response to Huffy operatives sneaking a ALX1000 model 26809 men’s mountain bike into President Bush’s ranch in Crawford, TX. Even though the bike had been recalled by CSPC Huffy Office Of Information And Public Affairs in 1999 (see article http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml00/00030.html ), it went undetected by the Secret Service and the president himself.

The sneak attack wounded three, including the president, who remains in stable condition after suffering minor cuts, bruises, and abrasions.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Russell Paika


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