MIAMISBURG,
OH - Federal agents
swarmed to the corporate offices of
Huffy, the most popular bicycle manufacturer
in the United States, in a pre-dawn
raid on Monday, bureau officials said.
Two Huffy insurgency operatives were
killed and one federal agent was wounded
in the raid, which lasted roughly one
hour. Amid a hail of gunfire, agents
were able to put down the resistance
and secure the building. They seized
computers and documents, and cordoned
off the area, which still remains off
limits to reporters.
An FBI operative involved in the raid
was able to tell reporters a few details
about the raid, on the condition of
anonymity.
“I am only able to tell you that
the raid was necessary, and successful,”
he said. “Huffy was a threat to
Democracy, and it has been safely neutralized.”
The raid was in response to Huffy operatives
sneaking a ALX1000 model 26809 men’s
mountain bike into President Bush’s
ranch in Crawford, TX. Even though the
bike had been recalled by CSPC Huffy
Office Of Information And Public Affairs
in 1999 (see article http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml00/00030.html
), it went undetected by the Secret
Service and the president himself.
The sneak attack wounded three, including
the president, who remains in stable
condition after suffering minor cuts,
bruises, and abrasions.
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Russell Paika |