Cheney who debated Joe Lieberman during
the vice presidential debates of 2000?
He was so avuncular, measured, wise,
steady, calm and civil. Many people
remarked at the time that they wished
they could exchange the number 2 men
on the ticket for their “smirking”
and “lurking” leaders.
Fast forward to July 2004.
"See Dick run."
He’s comparing Kerry to
Hitler. Possibly this can be explained
by the fact that Saddam is in custody,
and since he is no longer on the Most
Wanted list, and since Kerry openly
criticizes the One True Religion, excuse
me, Government, he is understandably
confused with the real Hitler of recent
history: Adolf Hitler.
He formed an official state energy
policy that is suspect, to say the least,
one that relies on fossil fuels, expanded
nuclear production, increased use of
coal fired plants and drilling in pristine
wildlife refuge areas. He seemed
to do this in a way that had the stench
of impropriety as he was no doubt closeted
with Ken Lay and his cronies from the
world of big corporate polluters excuse
me, status quo suppliers. Does
anyone doubt that Halliburton and The
Republic of Texas were also not only
making a recommendation here and there,
but that the unholy cabal drafted the
language for grotesque tax incentives
and environmental protection rollbacks?
Ok maybe I am being unfair to
call this a stench. It certainly
has the appearance of impropriety.
That’s why he was asked and finally
sued to disclose who his energy advisors
were. What were those litigious
people thinking? Who would demand
transparency in government to be upheld
by The Supreme Court? Tony and
Dick’s other homeys got his back.
It’s supposed to be a different
branch of government designed to guarantee
checks and balances. So what if
Dick and Tony go shoot ducks on their
day off. The Supreme Court is
above partisanship, bribery and flagrant
corruption. Right? It’s
not like Dick personally put these great
jurists and guardians of freedom on
the bench. Oh, wait.
Last week it seemed out of character
for the sagacious and temperate Cheney
to tell the senior senator from Vermont
to go fuck himself on the floor of an
official government building.
Where did the kindly, experienced professional,
righteous Cheney go? Why is the
man who is crazyfor all that strict
Protestant conservative moralizing values
thing on TV, the health clinics and
in the bedroom suddenly so awfully shocking?
Was he taken over by alien body
snatchers from the greedy corporate
Borg-like civilization? Did they
enter his body and thereby throw off
some foreign proteins that resulted
in certain “cardiac irregularities?”
Who really put all those high-tech stunts
in this guy? The doctors at Walter
Reed? That's a government hospital.
They couldn't even cure some made-up
disease like Gulf War Syndrome or a
simple shrapnel wound to the eye.
Looking back I discovered that
Cheney was initially asked by the Bush
Campaign of 2000 to chair the process
of selecting a vice-presidential nominee.
When the FBI came back with background
checks on all the possible candidates,
Cheney put them all aside and announced
that he himself would run for the position
once held by his buddy Dan Quayle.
But don’t imagine for one second
that Dick saw himself as the spiritual
heir of the “potato man”
or other famous vice presidents like
. . .( help me out here)
If a race of alien life forms,
desperately concerned that their way
of life dominating the universe was
being threatened, (by progressive thought,
say) who could blame them for entering
the body of Uncle Dick. He’s
a heartbeat away from the driver’s
seat. In fact he is really sitting
in the driver’s seat with a pet
chimp on his lap. Super human
intelligence and fanaticism seem to
be behind so many events lately.
The willingness to lie about really
important stuff like war and presidential
elections and the very air we breathe
is surely not the work of a mere terrestrial
being who stands only to perish by these
directives. The dramatic shift
is starting to become apparent even
to the most introspective, intellectual
and thoughtful, open-minded Baptist.
Who’s got Dick? Who
is this man? Gone is the
veteran, moderate, conservative bureaucrat
who charmed us during the debates.
No more seemingly reasonable and rational
lines of debate. Pretense is abandoned.
(Excuse me; I seem to be having
some little problems with my computer
and Internet connection.)
All who do not submit will be
destroyed!
Wha?
Please hand over your driver’s
license to the nearest security official.
Tony says so. Please observe the
correct use of speech in airports and
in the press. Do not attempt to
change the existing plans crafted by
your betters. Even if you are
an esteemed Republican-appointed arms
inspector extraordinaire, refrain from
contradicting Our Leader. When
the facts seem to contradict simplistic
explanations Our Leader has made, they
must be untrue facts produced by the
treasonous liberal media. When
the explanations The Leader has given
contradict themselves it is your sacred
duty as a pat-riot-ic A-mer-i-can to
be calm and un-questioning. No
sacrifice will be required so long as
you are paying taxes. If you do
not pay taxes then you are honored to
be a friend of The Leader. Either
that or you are an unemployed person
of questionable ancestry. You
wretched slum dwelling waifs are to
proceed to the nearest indoctrination,
re-education, recruiting center.
Your country needs you. You can
be a hero like that girl from Abu Ghraib,
Wag the Dogthe Jessica Lynch story.
Ha Ha Ha!
Otherwise all payroll taxpayers, you
are to proceed directly to the nearest
mall, boat show or NASCAR rally where
you will trade your pathetic wages for
a few moments of mindless gratification,
distraction patriotic economy stimulation.
Please remain distracted, asleep, apathetic
while we assume greater control, work
unceasingly to scare the shit out of
you provide for your physical, emotional,
financial, political security . . .
security . . . security . . . security
I am Cheney, keeper of all secrets,
and I have approved this edict message.
Paid for by the committee to re-elect
the Alien Master Race, Coalition Provisional
Authority, and RNC. Never mind
just do what you are told, you dumb
fuck head! (There, I said it and
I feel better now.)
…End of transmission
Note to editor. Operating
system . . .mind of its own . . ..
Losing control. Repeat, Losing
Control. Send typewriter.
Ahhgggagag
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Lyle Graham |