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Washington
D.C. - In a rare show
of restraint, media outlets all over
the country have under-reported the
disappearance of yet another white,
attractive female from some podunk small
town you never heard of before. This
seems to be a response to the over-reporting
of such cases as Lacy Peterson and Elizabeth
Smart.
The case being under-reported is that
of Amanda Ann Sugar, from Huskerville,
Iowa, who went missing two weeks ago
and doesn't have a sexy enough "backstory"
to merit more than a passing mention
in most national outlets. Since Mrs.
Sugar's disappearance, her family has
gathered daily outside their home waiting
for word of a possible appearance on
"The O'Reilly Factor" or "Today"
show.
"We're just praying that whoever
has her hasn't killed her," Dale
Vector, Amanda Ann's father said, "and
that he is willing to send us some ransom
demands, so we have something to talk
about on 'Larry King'."
Mrs. Sugar, 29 was last reported seen
in the vicinity of the Stuff Ur Face
grocery store in Sioux City, on the
13th of this month. She had just gone
to the tanning salon, and was planning
on surprising her husband Ted, 28, with
a steak dinner and an evening spent
watching the Pax network's "Christie"
marathon. Police fear she may have been
the victim of boredom with her life
in Iowa, and possibly let herself be
abducted by a Satanic sex cult. Officers
admitted the last part about the cult
was purely speculation to lure the media's
eyes to their tiny community.
Amanda Ann worked at the town's only
knick-knacks store, selling novelty
items based on the history of Iowa to
tourists. Having run into financial
ruin doing so, police Thursday said
that she perhaps had finally run off
to Los Angeles to be an actress, or
was perhaps abducted by a sex-starved
alien spacecraft.
All week long, the media blackout of
this utterly dull disappearance has
caused some to wonder if the appetite
for such sensationalism is over. But
such fears seem premature; there are
now reports out of Chicago that another
pretty, young white woman has gone missing,
with a more interesting story angle
centered on Satanic cults, witchcraft,
UFOs, and horny school crossing guards.
Expect film at eleven.
Written
& Submitted by
Trev Danger - Sensationalist At Large (It's my Hobby)
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