BEIJING, CHINA - In a frenzied letter, written earlier this week, Chinese Foreign Minister Li Zhaoxing beseeched the President of the United States George W. Bush to cease and desist all take-out order calls to China.

“He was calling, over and over again,” said Zhaoxing , “usually in the middle of the night.” With a furrowed brow he added, “I need some fucking sleep.”

President Bush has been the prime instigator in the recent rash of Chinese take-out calls, sometimes enlisting the help of cabinet members or Secret Service agents if he fears his voice will be recognized. Apparently these calls have been occurring almost daily for at least a year.

According to certain anonymous members of his cabinet, despite the President’s lack of desire for Mu Shu Pork, he seems nonetheless quite impressed by his deadpan delivery, and has frequently “patted his own back” at his ingenuity in using a white cotton tube sock to disguise his voice when in a pinch. “You should see it,” chuckles Secret Service Agent Jim Wozniak, “He really puts those chinks in a bind.”

However, China’s President, Hu Jintao, sees this as no laughing matter and concedes that it should have been dealt with quite some time ago. He has reiterated that talks about replacing the gullible Foreign Minister are underway, though he refuses to comment on the details of the proceedings.

When interviewed outside of his favorite lunch spot today in Beijing, Li Zhaoxing was reticent, but admitted somewhat sheepishly, “We kept falling for it. Bush would catch us off guard. He was just too fucking charming. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need a nap.”

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Russell Paika