DUBLIN, OH: 9/27/03 – Wendy’s announced today that it will now be adding "Big Pimpin" to its 99 cent menu. Pimpin can also now be purchased in Small, Medium and Biggies sizes.

"This decision was not come to easily or lightly," says Company Spokesperson, Ben Grapple. "The Wendy’s board of directors decided unanimously on this Pimping issue. They all decided that since that miserable old fart Dave Thomas is dead, Wendy’s can finally market some products to the Urban and Urban wannbe demographics. It was a well known fact Mr. Thomas was actively involved in the KKK."

Grapple said, "Sales have been slowly diminishing for 4 years now and we feel this will give us the push we need to compete with the other major fast food chains for years to come." He also added, "BK and Mickey D’s can act like they are the urban choice by having people of color in their commercials, but they all act whiter than Les Nessman and they just don’t offer Pimpin."

Wendy’s is also thinking of adding various other products to their 99 cent menu. Such as The Ghetto Bastard Burger (a full pound burger with mayo, onions and green peppers in between 2 slices of Wonder Bread), Drive By Fries (chicken flavored fries splattered with ketchup) and the 5-0 Shakedown (a bacon flavored milkshake).

Gapple finished with, "We are all very excited here at Wendy’s to "be down" with our African American brothers and sisters."

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Tha Mike