As the weeks wind down, and partisan rancor is getting more and more bitter on each side (but mostly on the part of those fucking Republicans), it seems that a new call is needed, a call for a return to civility. A new spirit of togetherness that will unite us against the common enemy of whoever the fuck...

According to doctors from Johns Hopkins, President George W. Bush has been suffering flashbacks to his time of service during the Trojan War conflict, some three millennia after the actual event. At this time the White House is mum on why exactly the president should be suffering such delusions...

The plot of a low-budget adult film entitled Last of The Muff divers is apparently too distracting for anyone to enjoy the nude sex scenes, according to local video clerk David Farren....

News reports out of nearby Chevy Chase, Maryland, indicate that a practical joke played on a suburban IRS employee has led to the worst single-day massacre in modern American history. It all began with a prank phone call from WEZY's Wacky Morning Crew...